Weddings are fun. Or are they?

[andijah]

About 3 weeks ago, I received an e-mail from a parish a few miles away from where I live. They said there was a wedding planned for a Monday afternoon and they were quite desperate to find an organist. Most organists here have other jobs during the week and play the organ as a hobby or small side job and can't do anything on a week day.
So I had a look in my calendar, found that the afternoon was still free and said that I would do it. I know the church and the organ (small one manual Bosch organ built in 1966, in a very small village church) and getting there takes just 20 minutes by bicycle. So not too much hassle.
Or so I thought.

One week before the wedding, I came home from organ practise and my husband said, a lady had called and it was probably about the wedding. Turns out the lady was the bride - the couple was actually celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary (civil ceremony) and now had decided they also wanted the church ceremony, too. She said they had chosen two hymns (fairly standard) and they wanted a prelude and a postlude but had no special requests for this. And then she said, there's a young lady, my daughter's friend, who would like to sing two songs. Could I accompany her? I said, well, get me the sheet music and I'll do it.

On the next day, there was an e-mail without subject line and I almost put it directly in the trash folder, but it turned out to be from that young singer. She wrote: I don't have the sheet music, can you get it yourself? I wrote back, well, no, I won't. But the bride had told me that you play the piano and I can bring a piano to church for you (of course this would've meant taking the car instead of the bicycle). I didn't hear back from her.

Two days later, I received an e-mail from the pastor saying that there would be one song by a soloist. I said, ah, interesting, and gave this information to the bride, and also told her that the singer hadn't answered yet.
On the same day, the pastor wrote again and said, no, there will be two songs by the soloist.

The next day there was another e-mail from the singer: she would bring the sheet music on Monday, could I please play.
I said, okay, but please be at the church half an hour before the ceremony so that we can do a quick run-through.

On Monday, I was at church 45 minutes before the ceremony.
The singer arrived 25 minutes before. Without the sheet music! Apparently she had printed it but it had disappeared. Wasn't there a printer in church? (No, of course not). So she went to a friend's house to get the sheet music. Came back 15 minutes before the ceremony was supposed to start. Only to find that two pages of one of the songs were missing...

We ended up doing one of her songs (it went well enough) and I played an additional organ solo, and we had two hymns for the congregation and a nice prelude and postlude and everyone was happy.

[gtc]

Sounds like an episode of the Vicar of Dibley!

Glad it worked out well in the end.

[regeron]

Weddings CAN be fun, if everyone has the right attitude. Respect for each other is included in that.

andijah - I can't imagine what thoughts were running through your head, even if you were typing or speaking kind words. :-)

I've seen weddings where the Mother-Of-The-Bride ran the show. It was apparent to me that when the MOTB was married, HER mother ran the show, so she is now taking advantage of the opportunity to plan a wedding, not realizing that she is taking that opportunity and pleasure away from her own daughter.

I had a wedding where there was a nice grand piano available but the singer wanted to sing with a casette tape accompaniment, played on a ghetto blaster. The piano was at the front of the church, right beside where she would stand to sing. I offered to play and could have easily done it, but she wanted her orchestral accompaniment. I consented to let her use it. When I wasn't on the piano bench, I sat in the first pew. She chose a seat about two rows behind me. She sang. It was nice. She sat down, but had forgotten to turn off the machine. Just as her backside hit the pew, the next song accompaniment started. It was NOT suitable for a wedding. As she raced, red-faced, to turn it off, I just sat and smiled.

Following that incident, which the minister didn't appreciate, we made a ruling that pre-recorded music was not allowed at weddings.

I have had fun weddings, where a plan was made and followed, but not so rigidly that it took the pleasure out of the experience.

I often tell brides and grooms - the three most important things that happen that day are:
- you say "I do" or "I will" to the one you love;
- you sign your name in the right place on the documents;
- you smile at your new spouse.

Your clothes might tear or get dirty on the way to the wedding, flowers might droop, the children in the wedding party might suddenly become fiercely independent and go off on their own somewhere, but those will only serve to create memories that you'll carry with you into the future and hopefully laugh about some day.

[myorgan]

I've seen weddings where the Mother-Of-The-Bride ran the show. It was apparent to me that when the MOTB was married, HER mother ran the show, so she is now taking advantage of the opportunity to plan a wedding, not realizing that she is taking that opportunity and pleasure away from her own daughter.

Regeron,

Sadly, a common occurence. In Ohio, I met with a prospective bride and asked her the questions–the mother answered. After the mother answered, I again redirected the same question to the daughter, "What do YOU...?" Sometimes the mother bristled at the question, and other times she was OK with it. In this case, the mother just didn't get it, and I had to put the question more directly, "I have heard what your mother wants for the wedding, but I need to know what YOU want for the wedding? After all, you're the one getting married, and it's YOUR wedding." I suspect I was the tail of years of "cow-towing" to her mother.

The bride caught me on the side later and thanked me for making sure her opinions were being heard. I suspect it may have been one of the only times the bride did get a choice for the wedding.😧

Michael

[Piperdane]

A wedding had been booked for the church where I was the organist. I had met with the bride to select music that was to be played as part of the prelude as well as her processional and recessional pieces. The rehearsal was horrid ... the brides mom was trying to change everything ... the music, the spoken words by the pastor during the service, where the wedding party were supposed to stand, just everything. The wedding rehearsal took almost 90 minutes, because we had to rehearse the processional at least 20 times until the brides mom was satisfied everyone knew where they had to be a a certain time during that processional.

The day of the wedding arrives. All is going pretty well ... until ... 5 minutes before the wedding was to begin. Mom went into the sacristy and started to demand that everything be changed ... she wanted a different processional, different solo during the service, and a different recessional. In that particular church, the organ console was in the rear balcony, and about 100 feet in distance to the chancel steps, and no way for the sacristy to communicate with the organist.

The pastor was rather upset ... these were the days when the pastor wore a lavaliere microphone ... it was wireless, but it was either on or off, and the only control for that was at the switch panel. The pastor was "live" and I heard her come storming in through his microphone blasting into the speakers of the church. Then I heard the pastor say "Madam, you have been a complete p ... ... at which point I raised the organ to full volume to cover up what was being said. After the wedding was over, he came up to me and asked sheepishly, "I just realized I was live before the wedding ... just what did you hear in the church"? I told him I had covered him up with great organ sound, to which he let out a comforting sigh.

Some 45 year later that pastor came and visited ... the first thing after the normal hellos' was "you remember that woman at the wedding?" We had a good laugh.

[samzer]

Weddings = Fire drill. Glad that I don’t do it anymore.

[quantum]

I've had many similar situations with soloists at weddings and funerals. A common theme is that what should have been a simple rehearsal with standard music, turns in to an emergency vocal/coaching lesson with an unprepared, extremely nervous or inexperienced friend/family member that wished to sing in the service. Worst part is the singer discovers a lot more work goes into preparing music than they initially budgeted for, and they find out 20 minutes before service. If the initial communication came across that the organist needs to work with a less experienced singer, maybe a rehearsal few days prior could be arranged, but what often happens is one is given incomplete information about the friend or family member that thought it would be a great idea to sing at the service.

One service I played, a female singer asked a standard hymn (to be sung solo) be transposed a little lower. 2 semitones?... still lower. 3 semitones.... still not comfortable. Perfect fifth... no, not low enough! All of this requested just minutes before the service, no prior communication that adjustments might need to be made. Funny thing is that, transposing lower didn't actually do much for her singing, she remained insecure with the singing despite transposition. I then asked her to try the key as written in the hymn book, and it did not make much difference in her delivery, although it sounded like a much more reasonable key to sing in. Ended up deciding to just sing it as printed.

[sandstone42]

In the 1970s, there was a demand for more popular music, e.g., Stuckey's "Wedding Song," Donny Osmond's "Twelfth of Never" and "Sunrise, Sunset" from Fiddler on the Roof. The absolute topper was a request to use Mancini's "Theme from the Pink Panther" as a recessional. The pastor had no problem so I didn't either. The ironic thing to me was the groom who requested it had never seen one of the Peter Sellers movies. He had heard the theme in the cartoon series.

[davidecasteel]

When my best friend was married in the early 1980s (his first of several) he asked me to sing at the wedding. At that time I was fairly able as a soloist, so I agreed. He and his bride-to-be had agreed on "The Lily of the Valley", a Hymn I was not particularly familiar with, but I learned it and the service went well. (He and all the Groomsmen were police officers, so the Pastor and I were the only men in the service who were not wearing guns!)

I related the above to my original Choir Director here in my church, who had begun his career as a preaching minister. I said I thought it was an odd choice. He told me: "I can do better than that. I was once asked to perform a wedding between 2 members of my choir. The bride was one of the soloists and decided to sing at her own wedding. She rehearsed separately with the Organist and did not sing at the formal rehearsal. During the wedding, at the designated time she faced the Groom and sand "I'd Rather Have Jesus"!"

David

[Philip Powell]

I fortunately have only had to play at one wedding (fortunately, because I've heard too many stories of complete chaos). The wedding director (parish employee) picked out the music for the couple but her selections were absurd (and some not tasteful) (i.e. it was just cantor and organ and she put down Sicut Cervus)
Then the couple came back and said they had changed their mind and wanted to pick out the music (this was 4 days before the wedding).
Then the wedding director had a family emergency across country and left abruptly without telling me anything regarding the new music choices.
Then another wedding planner stepped in and changed the music entirely (2 days before).
So I had 3 services worth of music planned and I didn't know what was to actually be played. So I just mushed the 1st and 2nd collections of music the night before and rolled with it. It turned out well and the couple were very pleased but I was not happy in the least with the coordination.

Philip

[regeron]

Yes, some people realize that the clothing has to be chosen months in advance, just like the cake and the flowers, the caterers and all the rest, BUT they still think the musician can just sit down and work with last-minute decisions. Perhaps they are confusing us with magicians who can pull rabbits out of hats, no preparation required.

[andijah]

A common theme is that what should have been a simple rehearsal with standard music, turns in to an emergency vocal/coaching lesson with an unprepared, extremely nervous or inexperienced friend/family member that wished to sing in the service.

Exactly!

A few years ago, I was asked to accompany two singers at a 60th wedding anniversary. One was the couple's granddaughter and the other was her friend. I said yes, because I had heard both of them sing before and they had had lessons and pretty good voices. They had chosen the "Laudamus te" for 2 sopranos from Vivaldi's Gloria. At the rehearsal (about one week before the celebration) it turned out that both had learned the soprano 1 part. And none could really sight read. So I spent the first rehearsal playing the organ plus singing soprano 2 and helping the singer through the music. However, she went home and worked hard and the second rehearsal was fine and so was the service.

[Philip Powell]

Michael,
I was waiting for a "but" somewhere near the end.

[myorgan]

Nope, I don't listen to buts–just sit on them!

Michael

[Admin]

myorgan You should be fine as long as those butts aren't lit.

[aeolian pat]

After looking past the dreaded "MY SISTER SINGS", I recall a weeding where the bride was a very, er , very,very ...very large woman in both directions. In the rear balcony I could lean over the rail and see the entrance while I played, in came the bride in a hooped dress. She walked to the pews and her dress was wider than the aisle, she merely grabbed the side of the dress and held it at an angle til she met her husband up front , all five foot and 100 lbs of him.

[myorgan]

Yesterday, my wife experienced another low in weddings. Evidently, a "company," "agent," or "person" from NYC has taken it upon themselves to corner the market in our State. They promise a couple their services, hire local musicians (like my wife), charge exorbitant prices, then keep over half the profits. My wife normally refuses their requests, but due to Covid, she needed the money.

In yesterday's case, the bride chose several modern pieces the string quartet had never played. So, before the "prelude" the aunt of the bride came over and asked why they were ignoring her. She asked if they had a piece, which had specifically been requested for them to play with the aunt to sing and play the guitar during the ceremony. No music had been provided to the quartet, and all she had was a lead sheet. The music had never been provided to the quartet or listed on the pieces to play. My wife showed the aunt the e-mailed list of pieces, then gave it to her to facilitate the conversation with the "contractor." Wouldn't I love to be a fly on the wall for that conversation!

After a swift scurry (fortunately a computer was available), the quartet obtained the music, and they were able to play it during the wedding.

When the wedding was over, the quartet was asked about the music for the cocktail reception–they never were asked to play for the reception–there was a DJ who had the music.

Talk about a wedding from h-e-double hockeysticks!

Michael

[RogerM]

Ah yes, we have similar organisations over here but I think the trader has to belong before he can be rated. Thanks, Michael.

[Silken Path]

Years ago you could call a city's BBB and ask if there were any complaints against a company. Also, if you had a problem with a company and were not getting any satisfaction, the local BBB could often "grease the skids" and get things moving. Now they are just another cog in the grand scheme of commerce. They are not on the consumer's side or in any fashion beneficial for the consumer.

[you795a]

I agree with Silken Path. To me they are of little help. Ebay still owes me $200.00 for items that I sold and being that I refused to give my banking information to them they closed my account. I filed a complaint with the BBB and after three responses they said they couldn't help me.

[myorgan]

After looking past the dreaded "MY SISTER SINGS", I recall a weeding where the bride was a very, er , very,very ...very large woman in both directions.

Pat,

You reminded me of our wedding video set up at the end of the aisle where the mother of the bride (my mother-in-law, also quite large in two dimensions–neither vertical) wore a dress with fairly large roses on it. As she walked slowly down the aisle, the predominant view was a rather large rose on each cheek sashaying down the aisle! That was almost 3 decades ago.

Michael

[andyg]

Thankfully, I've managed to somehow avoid the kind of misadventures some of you have had. I have had fun at weddings!

One bride arrived very late and I had time to work as many highly disguised pop songs into my loooong initial stint. I do remember also putting 'Adeste Fideles' into the mix - in the UK we sing the words 'Why are we waiting?' to that melody and that did raise a few chortles.

But when my daughter's best friend got married (the first time!), I visited the church for rehearsals to find a 1970s Viscount. Just a thinly disguised home organ, it did have a Leslie speaker and the bride's request for 'Amazing Grace' was delivered by yours truly and a very enthusiastic choir in Gospel style on the day! I was offered 'the regular gig' as the Vicar put it, but politely declined!

But at my own wedding, I asked for 'Prelude in Classic Style' rather than the traditional Wedding March. I gave the organist the music well in advance and even obtained a fiery trumpet voice card for the church's Allen. What could possibly go wrong? I have no idea why, but she played it around half speed rather than at the marked tempo. She wasn't a poor player, the hymns had been fine. Perhaps she was a little out of her comfort zone.

[myorgan]

The worst wedding gig–playing for a musician! ;-)

Michael