Do You "Chicken Out" on New Organs?

[myorgan]

A recurring theme for me:

• In high school I had the opportunity to play a pipe organ at a neighboring church-I chickened out.
• At a pump organ museum while I was in college, I had the opportunity to play-I chickened out.
• In college I had the opportunity to play a brand new 4-manual pipe organ after an organ crawl-I chickened out.
• In Germany near Köln I had the opportunity to play a 5-manual Klais in a cathedral-I chickened out.
• I had the opportunity to play the Alabama Theatre organ-I chickened out.
• I've had the opportunity to play several larger pipe and/or digital installations around the US-I chickened out.

Does anyone else have this problem?

I know I have the skills and expertise to play almost any organ here in the US, but for some reason I never take the opportunity (or request it) when presented. I don't think it's performance anxiety. Could it be my perfectionism? I HATE to make mistakes in front of others. If I'm alone, I will play, but not in front of others. In fact, I won't even practice in front of my wife. I make sure my piano practice sessions are while she's at appointments or shopping-I quit when she's back in the driveway. Maybe I'm afraid everyone is as critical and judgmental as I am. I've played for/with some famous (& infamous) organists on strange organs. How could I have done that?

I'm within a couple decades of never playing an organ or piano again, and I'd like to go out knowing I took chances-but I'm chickening out!:embarrassed: Somehow I need to get over this.:-P Help?

Michael

[Nutball]

I would do the same. I am a perfectionist, and don't want my playing heard until I know it will be as close to perfect as I can get.

I heard somewhere you can just walk into a church and start playing their organ without asking, what better way to break the ice :->

But seriously, maybe if you went in prepared and determined to play the instrument, you just might do it.

One time I was sure mom was away at work (she works the night shift as a nurse), there was every bit of evidence: the day, time, lights out. I let it all out full volume on the organ without a second thought. A couple hours later I found the car still in the garage to my surprise :embarrassed:. Later I checked that the fan in her bedroom thoroughly drowns out the organ at full volume, so she slept right through it all.:-)

It also helps to try to think what you would think if someone else sat down and started playing, even with mistakes. Chances are you wouldn't give it the slightest thought.

[toodles]

Way back when I had the chance to play a pipe organ and didn't have anything memorized, I decided to fix the problem (me) by memorizing Greensleeves, a favorite melody of mine . Thus, I have a simple but perfectly acceptable tune to play when I have the chance. Find a simple song you can memorize and play well enough that you won't embarrass yourself.

[myorgan]

I have several pieces memorized, but I'm wondering if I'm fearful of the controls on the organ being in a strange place-especially theatre. Maybe it's because I know there is a specific theatre technique, and I don't have it yet. But that wouldn't explain the classical organs.

Michael

[samibe]

The only reason I would chicken out is if I don't have something I can play. At this point I have a couple of songs I've played enough times that at least the first couple pages are memorized. I really wish I knew how to improvise so I could make something up that's more musical.

[andijah]

I know that feeling! My inner perfectionist is very strong, but I'm working on building up my self-esteem so that the perfectionist doesn't always win the race. ;-)
There was a time when I didn't tell people that I have two music degrees because I was afraid they thought I didn't deserve them. I've overcome this thought, and when people invite me now to play on any organ, I think about the fun I would have with it and just go ahead and do it. Sometimes I'm very nervous but always happy afterwards.

I don't have the key to churches with large organs here, so can't offer a 5-manual-beauty, but should you ever come to Germany again and happen to be near Frankfurt, you're very welcome to have a go at our small instruments here.

[myorgan]

Thank you, Andrea. I certainly understand the before & after feelings.

Michael

[SchnarrHorn]

I'll second toodles suggestion - memorize one or more simple pieces well.

Secondly, get a church gig. That will cure you of performance perfectionism. Sunday comes no matter how much time one has to practice during the week. I started out decades ago by volunteering at my RC church for the early mass. Since there was no cantor at the early mass, I had to sing as well, while playing the organ, with a microphone on a boom an inch from my mouth (a setup common to many RC churches). My organ technique is OK as is my voice, but I'm still an amateur and don't make any claims to being a pro. In a situation like that, one learns quickly how to recover from mistakes and continue on. (And probably because it was so early, folks weren't wide enough awake to notice the mistakes! ;-) ) The pastor and congregation were so happy to have me because it would have meant no organ/music otherwise.

Thirdly, realize that unless you are trying out an organ at an AGO convention, 99.99% of people could not identify flubs anyway, can't play any musical instrument and are thrilled to experience a live performance of anything.

All of the above does not mean one should not aim to play perfectly, of course. But not reaching perfection should not keep one from playing.

George

[myorgan]

Thank you, George. I do have 2 church jobs-1 RC usually on piano with a cantor, and 1 Protestant with one of my organs. When church started up again, people actually listened to the prelude for once. That was a strange feeling.

Michael

P.S. You are, indeed, right about 99% of the audience not knowing the difference anyway.

[regeron]

One thing that helped me was to change the object of inspection. People weren't there to hear ME. They were there to hear THE ORGAN.

Even if you can only play a scale, sit down and start to compare ranks. How does the Gt 8' Principal compare to the Sw or Ch 8' Principal? What do the various reeds sound like? Are there two trumpets? How do they contrast? Start to build principal or flute choruses. Is your ear wanting to hear more of the organ? Try various solo stops or combinations. Does each of those have a good accompaniment on a second manual?

Develop an informal checklist of registrations that you enjoy where you normally play. See if they pan out on the organ you are visiting.

Memorized rep:
Easiest - Noodle on a C-major scale with your right hand, while your left hand holds a C-major chord. (This allows you to play on either one or two manuals at the same time.)
A bit tougher - memorize one line of a short song that is common to your environment. North American Protestants could use "Old Hundredth" or "Nicaea". If you're not a churchy person, "Twinkle, Twinkle" will delight most people.

Direct people's attention. Rather than go all apologetic, "I can't play anything," lead your gathered listeners' ears toward "Hmm, let's see how these stops sound."

Treat the like you would a smorgasbord of tasty treats for the ears. Your task is simply to let those present hear some of what is possible.

If you still feel uncomfortable, arrange to visit some organs privately, so you can 'practice' testing the organ. Or, as I did, go with an organ buddy. Take turns on the bench. Change stops while the other is playing. Try "this" vs "that." Have fun and take delight in the process.

It's not about you. It's about discovering the beauty of an instrument that's new to you.

[myorgan]

Regeron,

Thank you so much for your input. It's a good reminder that it's not about me, rather, it's about the instrument. I've always seen nervousness as selfishness (worried about what others think of myself), but I guess I hadn't carried it to the point of separating the organ from the organist.

Thanks again.

Michael

[you795a]

I had the chance to play an organ in a church, we were waiting to be seated for a supper and the organist was playing and I wandered up to the balcony to see what brand pipe organ it was. The organist asked me if I play, I said "for my own pleasure and enjoyment." She asked me if I wanted to play it. I said, no, that's OK. I also was asked by a chorus director at our local school, which rented an organ, to play as she knew that I could play. I chickened out there as well. I play for my own pleasure and enjoyment. My problem is I get too nervous.

[myorgan]

Sorry about the response above. I hadn't read your post yet. I certainly understand the feeling!

Michael

[Peterboroughdiapason]

I belong to an organ association here in the UK and one of our regular activities is to go on organ "crawls" to local churches.

The association is now very small and many of the remaining members are elderly: sadly, though, lack of ability does not prevent many of them playing on these organs.

Do you have organ associations over there? It's a good way of losing your inhibitions!

[myorgan]

I left the American Guild of Organists (AGO) for that very reason. There was a member's recital at a certain season of the year, and rather than ask me not to play or choose something else, the Dean asked that I play a particular piece anyone can play from the Orgelbüchlein about 3-4 days before the recital. That was when I worked 4 jobs, and the piece didn't work out well at all-at least my hands ended together.

As a result, I haven't played for them since and refuse to support the AGO in any of their endeavors. Only a fool would let it happen again.

Michael

[cham-ed]

Scharrhorn My first organ teacher told me that most people won't hear mistakes AND those that do, will understand.

[jbird604]

Love this discussion, Michael! Sorry I didn't see it earlier. I so identify with what you say, and I have chickened out more times than I want to remember. For all the reasons mentioned. Whether it's at the end of a nice new organ installation, or a major repair job, or just visiting with another organist in a church, I have so often declined to even try to play and then regretted that decision so much afterward. Partly because I'm not a program player at all, just a competent hymn player and service music noodler, but partly because I both lack confidence and am too critical of my own playing.

I like the advice given above about "planning" for an unexpected invitation to play -- have something memorized that will quickly come to mind, that you feel confident playing in front of anyone, that doesn't require much tinkering with the stops -- I should take my own advice, because MOST of the time, even out on a service call, after I get an organ repaired, I draw a complete blank about what to play to show it off a bit for the customer.

One time I did in fact take the opportunity but didn't make much of an impression --- When we are in the UK, we make a point of always going through the little city of Thirsk in North Yorkshire, where there is a favorite fish & chips eatery and other stuff we enjoy seeing again. And while in Thirsk we always drop into St. Mary's Church, not for a service, but just to look around, as the building is always open and there are friendly locals who love to talk about its history to anyone who comes by. Last time we were there, chatting with a couple of sweet older ladies I mentioned that I am a church organist back home, and they INSISTED that I play the recently renovated pipe organ, which I've admired and photographed year after year without touching it. When I sat down I couldn't think of a single thing to do except play some random scales and chords and such on the various stops (which my wife videoed for me with the phone). I think I tried to play the Doxology and made a total mess of it!

If I EVER get through swapping out organs at home and/or building one to practice on, I promise myself to learn a few simple little things that I can play at the drop of a hat so this won't happen again!